The big Blur…

Sitting in the office, bushed and…and…inarticulate. Got up yesterday by accident 4:30 am (ws shooting for 5:15) and took an early train to Saratoga Springs, where my show “Some kind of Love” is now open at the Tang museum. Got in to town around noon and then went from gallery talk to lunch to student radio station to teacher talk to giving slide lecture. The only break was a bout of compulsive shopping at Target when I decided that the headphones I had brought for my cd player were wrong, wrong! and I needed to spend money on new ones. Ridiculous behavior, that was tolerated by Ian Berry, the curator who has put the show together. It’s a small retrospective of video work and walking through it was disorienting, moving , distressing , all at once. Some of the pieces have my voice in them so I was hearing myself from 14 years back or so. I also was not at the Tang to work with the installation crew, so I walked in and the show was pretty much a fait accompli. At this point there are things out there in the world that I haven’t laid hands on for almost two decades. Now when I come upon them I think, what did I have to do with this?
Couple that with the slide talk and Q and A session that followed it: Lots of people and me talking always talking about the work. Trotting out some of the jokes that I’ve been using in my slide talks for ages now. It feels very separate from what goes on when work is made. Once I start answering questions, things pick up, for me at least. I welcome these kinds of forums, and the chance to get to hear from people what they see going on with the work. After an hour and a half or so, the event is over and then it’s off to dinner with Ian, his wife and Mason, the faculty member who was interviewing me. He teaches gender studies and African-american lit and talks about how Saratoga had one gay bar, but it closed in ’97. We talk a bit about the ways that online life is killing off bars and as the meal goes on I find myself popping in and out of presentness. At times the conversation seems to be taking place in another room and I can barely understand what folks are talking about or why. I order cheese instead of dessert and a delicate, lush goat cream cheese arrives, with a warm biscuit and a fig and apricot chutney. Its like the best cream cheese and jelly sandwich ever. Dinners done, Ian drives me to the guest house and I collapse and sleep for about six hours. It’s not enough and I wake feeling hung over. Onto the train where my tiredness and grumpiness makes me ignore the stately Hudson scenery all the way down to the city. Standing in Penn Station a woman comes up to me and says “Hi! How was Bard?” I tell her I was at Saratoga and we say good bye. I’m utterly unable to say who she is, so much so that I suspect that she didn’t really know me either but only thought she did.

0 Comments +

  1. Nip and Tuck

    that was only a playful bite
    i hope it didn’t hurt

    HOWEVER
    i opened a slew of your earlier posts coz i was looking for one i read a few days ago i wanted to comment on
    but i read this one first
    and wanted to remind you of it:

    you just reported what you did
    interjecting your emotional response/involvement

    it’s beautiful
    simple
    completely unstructured
    and only got one comment
    BUT
    i think it’s great
    and it’s what i like to see when i check into your journal and want to know what you’re going through.

    HUGS

    and it’s okay to hear that you’re going through
    being in your room wrapped up in your neurotic thought-cage
    but
    as your cheer leader
    i am here to {GO TEAM GO} remind you
    that you don’t have to

    love ya
    (hidden in the past)

  2. Nip and Tuck

    that was only a playful bite
    i hope it didn’t hurt

    HOWEVER
    i opened a slew of your earlier posts coz i was looking for one i read a few days ago i wanted to comment on
    but i read this one first
    and wanted to remind you of it:

    you just reported what you did
    interjecting your emotional response/involvement

    it’s beautiful
    simple
    completely unstructured
    and only got one comment
    BUT
    i think it’s great
    and it’s what i like to see when i check into your journal and want to know what you’re going through.

    HUGS

    and it’s okay to hear that you’re going through
    being in your room wrapped up in your neurotic thought-cage
    but
    as your cheer leader
    i am here to {GO TEAM GO} remind you
    that you don’t have to

    love ya
    (hidden in the past)

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