Fat guys are the new reds

I watch a lot of horror movies of every stripe and I’ve noticed a new trend – if you want to know who the first victim is going to be, look for the fat guy. They’ve take on the role of the “red” crewmen on Star Trek: you know, the crewman who only goes on the away party to die before the first commercial. I’m watching Crocodile on the SciFI channel, and boom – not one but two fat guys chomped right away. It seems like the only way to not seem racist or sexist for script writers now.

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  1. size is the new target, now that it’s socially unacceptable to make fun of sex, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion….

    hell, on promotional posters for Not Another Teen Movie, they point out a bunch of high school stereotypes (jock, desperate virgin, etc) – one of which is the nice-but-dumb fat guy.

    ok, so we can’t have pidgin-speaking Chinks or plantation-working Niggers, but it’s A-OK to have the illiterate, asexual, always-hungry Lardass. hooray for progress, eh?

    have you ever read Fat! So?

  2. Cheer up, bright eyes…

    Treat yourself to a healthy helping of hefty man-on-man computer strip poker action with Carl’s Freakin’ Strip Poker. You’re of course familiar with good ol’ Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I suggest a game with Cousin Dominick or Dr. Weird. But if you’re not particularly good at poker, go with Miss Turnpike Exit 37. Carl seems somewhat unable to resist her and is vulnerable to outrageous bluffing. All the better to get down to his fancy underwear. He’s got nice legs, to boot.

  3. 666-ADVOCATE

    Logically, if they’re being eaten, as in Crocodile, wouldn’t you go for the plumpest, juiciest one first? And if they’re merely being hacked or axed or chainsawed or whatever, they do present the biggest — and many times, slowest — target.

  4. And you’d think if they were chomping on the chunkies first, that the evil space monsters wouldn’t be so hungry for the rest of the crew?

    And is this an improvement from the black guy always being the first to die? Does Yaphet Kotto or his heir at least make it to the final reel?

  5. Re: Cheer up, bright eyes…

    I like to think it was me but maybe Carl is just a lousy poker player. I got him down to his figleaf in no time at all. He calls with a king high for crissakes!! Of course I was motivated.

  6. Re: Cheer up, bright eyes…

    I like to think it was me but maybe Carl is just a lousy poker player. I got him down to his figleaf in no time at all. He calls with a king high for crissakes!! Of course I was motivated.

  7. My Fat Obnoxious Fiancee

    I don’t think I dreamed this last night, as the title of a new “reality” show where a bride tries to gross out her family with her disgusting faux-mate.

    Truly the last frontier of fun, I guess, for the bashers out there.

  8. Re: My Fat Obnoxious Fiancee

    why can’t we have My Emaciated Obnoxious Fiancee?

    oh yeah, it’s not PC to make fun of anorexics and Ethiopians. oops. my bad.

    now let’s go to the mall and laugh at fat people!

  9. I’ve noticed this trend in movies for a while now.

    I also noticed it when I was a theater major in college. Being the resident fat dude, I was always getting killed, or poisoned, or something.

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