Now with fu-fu grip…

For the past few years I’ve been trying to finance a piece that I’ve desperately wanted to make: The Nayland Blake action figure. It’s proved hard to do. There are companies however that do one-offs for people. Today thornyc sent me a link to  one of them . The new innovation is that they can implant a voice chip. So even though it’s “no meme May”, I invite you to either: 1) suggest potential Super Action Phrases for the Nayland Blake action figure, or 2) List the phrases your own action figure would come equipped with, or 3) both.

Now I’m officially a comment whore and a memestigator.

Oh I forgot to suggest that you do the same for yourself in your journal.

0 Comments +

  1. Yours should say

    1 “fisting is an art form”

    2 “yeah get your head down there and drink it”

    3 “I like to use my hands”

    4 “open wide here it comes!”

    and mine would say

    “buggery or crumpets?”

    “grrrrrrr?”

    “is that chocolate under your foreskin or do you always smell this good?”

    “if you want me to call you Daddy you’re gonna have to do it HARDER!”

  2. 1. i don’t know you well enough to do a good job with this.
    2. “MEOW!” “elmo.” “onions make me happy” “hooray for saturated fat!” “how Peppa smell?”

  3. I’m not sure I can top ‘s “Tar paper is the new pink!”, but I would like to have my NBAF say:

    Hey, Bubba, can I give you a hand with that?

    {in best Neely O’Hara voice] PIE! I NEED MORE PIE!

    [various gutteral grunts of satisfaction, trailing off with a “fuck yeah”]

  4. perhaps a wealthy patron can commission a complete set of LJ bear action figures, to be auctioned off at the next charity event. Let’s just hope the winner isn’t someone who’d be inclined to stick pins in ’em! 🙂

    I have no idea what yours would say, though it would probably be said with a twinkle in your eye, if such a thing is possible in a semi-animate facsimile.

    Mine would merely gesticulate and smile shyly.

  5. Okay, so how bad do I want an action figure of myself and everyone I know, now?!?!?!

    I think mine might say things like…

    “Omigod, I TOTALLY wanna get coffee!”

    and

    “Could it BE any prettier out today?!?!”

    and

    “Why the FUCK does everyone get a boyfriend but me?!?! Couples make me vomit.”

    and

    “Ooh, look – it’s orange and green, therefore I must love it!”

    and

    “Everyone else’s geeky interests scare me…but I secretly kinda wish I were into them, too.”

    and

    “Yeah, okay, that’s great…now let’s talk a little more about ME!”

    Okay, so maybe mine wouldn’t be so much an action figure as a psychotherapy figure…..

  6. “Mine would merely gesticulate and smile shyly.”

    Just before it bends some hot number over and gives them the paddling of their life, I would guess.

    I think it would cost too much to have eye-twinkle installed in mine – more likely it would be stuck on perma-squint.

  7. Hmm. Wish I knew you better. I can think of words to put in your mouth, but can’t estimate how appropriate they’d be.

    Mine would be easy, though:

    “God is like Santa Claus, but for adults.”
    “It’s too expensive.”
    “Mmmmm, beard.”
    “I almost never bottom.”
    “California sucks.”

  8. Re: Nay-nay action figure

    Pappy Nay’s rural fun playset comes complete with:

    “Magic Flap” prestained union suit
    Twin seat Outhouse with Easyglide glory hole
    Make-Yer-Own Mudpuddle packet
    “Now you’re gonna catch it” Strap
    Pappy’s corn cob pipe
    and a well thumbed copy of The New York Review of Books

  9. Damn you, I should be working!

    “That’s not a corn cob.”
    “No, I’m a bunny, not Arthur from the Tick”
    “Hey, I do have carpet!”

    Mine?

    “SUVs suck with teeth!”
    “Wanna go for a ride?”
    “D’oh! A deer!”

  10. Outhouse fun

    Outhouse also comes with a small pouch of Limette™ which can not only be sprinkled down one of the holes after Pappy Nay does his business, but can also be worn about the neck on a leather string as stylish jewelry!

  11. Is this post too revealing? Will the boys like it, you think?

    I don’t really know you well enough to know what it should say, but I can think of a few things I’d like it to say, wink wink…

    Mine would probably come with a handful of assorted incomprehensible grunts and mumbles in lieu of actual words. It’s more of a writer than a talker.

  12. Now my lap is all spicy!

    “buggery or crumpets?”

    Shame on you for making me spray hot chai though my nose!

    I think that should be the name of the new sitcom based on your life.

  13. “Mine would merely gesticulate and smile shyly.”

    Just before it bends some hot number over and gives them the paddling of their life, I would guess.

    I think it would cost too much to have eye-twinkle installed in mine – more likely it would be stuck on perma-squint.

  14. I don’t know why, but I think a toy that said “blech! That sucks.” would have enourmous appeal for kids! Maybe because it would annoy the hell out of their parents.

  15. Re: Nay-nay action figure

    Pappy Nay’s rural fun playset comes complete with:

    “Magic Flap” prestained union suit
    Twin seat Outhouse with Easyglide glory hole
    Make-Yer-Own Mudpuddle packet
    “Now you’re gonna catch it” Strap
    Pappy’s corn cob pipe
    and a well thumbed copy of The New York Review of Books

  16. Yours would have have to say, “Dude!”

    Mine would have to cry a lot, as well as use lots of subordinating clauses with words like “especially” and “prospect” in them.

  17. Between your two most recent posts, I’m left with the lingering desire to use your ass as a serving platter off of which to eat luscious toasted, buttered crumpets.

  18. OK are an agent of the Canadian government trying to make me emigrate up there by any means at your disposal?

    I need to go take a shower!

    And one of these days we’ll have to have a conversation that doesn’t turn into cybering….

  19. I don’t know many Nayland aphorisms. Then again, I’m not even sure if aphorism is the right word, but it’s what came to mind.

    Anyway, back on track, I remember these words from you during a poker game, “A straight will not win this hand.” and that stuck with me.

  20. OK are an agent of the Canadian government trying to make me emigrate up there by any means at your disposal?

    I need to go take a shower!

    And one of these days we’ll have to have a conversation that doesn’t turn into cybering….

  21. When it’s sloppy seconds with an inflatable substitute, rather than the real thing. 😉

    As for wet and messy… these things are somewhat dependent on context. Are you thinking of any particular situation?

  22. This late in the game it’s difficult to follow that brilliant parade of comments, but I finally came up with my action figure slogans:

    “Why aren’t you nakeder?”

    “More nakeder…”

    and

    “Little man, little hole.”

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