Fall fall fall…

I’m wearing a new white shirt, so you know that I’m going to be doing some major spilling today.
(note to self consume only transparent foods until safely at home and shirtless)

A week from now the school year will have begun, we will be in the second year of the program, and I will be even further into the gulf of feeling that this time the chickens really will come home to roost.

Much recent therapy has focused on the way I construct low level drama in my life to put off dealing with the big questions: feelings of deep unworthiness and guilt. I’m feeling in the midst of an uptick of this right now: putting off commitments to things at work so that I can have something to worry about. Faithful readers – this is old news for you. To those just tuning in, sorry this show isn’t what you thought I was advertised as.

Perhaps part of my current dilemma is the way in which I’m confronted at every turn by surprising emotional interactions that challenge me to think in the present and figure out what my real feelings are. So a retreat to all the familiar negative feelings seems quite comforting.

I can’t let my passive-aggressiveness lead me, nor can I lead with it.

It’s September first do you know where your registration slip is?

0 Comments +

  1. Yikes. Yeah, the incoming students have arrived here already… It’s becoming a zoo already. So much last minute detailing…. Good luck. It will all work out.

    As to chicken’s coming to roost, folks who aren’t down with the minor and major adjustments that come with a second year program are not worth worrying about. It’s all part of the process of building new things… Not to mention an object lesson for art-making. Trust the freakin’ process already!

  2. Yikes. Yeah, the incoming students have arrived here already… It’s becoming a zoo already. So much last minute detailing…. Good luck. It will all work out.

    As to chicken’s coming to roost, folks who aren’t down with the minor and major adjustments that come with a second year program are not worth worrying about. It’s all part of the process of building new things… Not to mention an object lesson for art-making. Trust the freakin’ process already!

  3. Yes, I feel much the same… it’s always easier to put the big issues on the back burner and obsess over smaller things… or just plain avoid them. I’ve been avoiding getting back to you about our photo session–I’m not sure why! Mark has the day off on Friday, so I hesitate to do it then, as I like to spend every minute possible with him. On the other hand, I could bring him along. I know the real issue is actually making art–anything to avoid doing it. But my deadline for this edition is coming up VERY fast–in fact the images should be going to the printer today–and I still only have two or three I am happy with (out of 5, or better yet 10, that I need). And today I only want to read emails–or sleep.

    As for registration–I’m still a Canadian. Wish I could vote.

  4. Yes, I feel much the same… it’s always easier to put the big issues on the back burner and obsess over smaller things… or just plain avoid them. I’ve been avoiding getting back to you about our photo session–I’m not sure why! Mark has the day off on Friday, so I hesitate to do it then, as I like to spend every minute possible with him. On the other hand, I could bring him along. I know the real issue is actually making art–anything to avoid doing it. But my deadline for this edition is coming up VERY fast–in fact the images should be going to the printer today–and I still only have two or three I am happy with (out of 5, or better yet 10, that I need). And today I only want to read emails–or sleep.

    As for registration–I’m still a Canadian. Wish I could vote.

  5. Well you know, supposedly Dominic Vyne is showing up tomorrow and will be staying with me for a bit – which would provide you with yet another reason for doing it: you could meet him face to face.

    Perhaps you’re putting off getting back to me because I put off getting back to you?

  6. Well you know, supposedly Dominic Vyne is showing up tomorrow and will be staying with me for a bit – which would provide you with yet another reason for doing it: you could meet him face to face.

    Perhaps you’re putting off getting back to me because I put off getting back to you?

  7. I’m really in a strange emotional state these days. the constant helicopters seem to come from inside my own brain. In fact, I’m probably just as bad at getting back to people as you are, with the exception of emails. Telephone calls are the hardest. When I telephone, you know I’m really trying hard. I really don’t want to take photographs–I want to spirit myself away to a desert island, and never return. I’m not sure I’m up to Friday, but I’ll try to talk Mark into talking me into it tonight. Yesterday I received a massage and at the end of the massage my masseur burst into tears. That’s the kind of week it is!

  8. I’m really in a strange emotional state these days. the constant helicopters seem to come from inside my own brain. In fact, I’m probably just as bad at getting back to people as you are, with the exception of emails. Telephone calls are the hardest. When I telephone, you know I’m really trying hard. I really don’t want to take photographs–I want to spirit myself away to a desert island, and never return. I’m not sure I’m up to Friday, but I’ll try to talk Mark into talking me into it tonight. Yesterday I received a massage and at the end of the massage my masseur burst into tears. That’s the kind of week it is!

  9. well, if you get the urge to just stop worrying about everything for a while, you’re welcome to come… lick my boots or something. (:

    or I’ll play with your hair… I wonder if it’s long enough to make those itty bitty braids out of it yet…

  10. well, if you get the urge to just stop worrying about everything for a while, you’re welcome to come… lick my boots or something. (:

    or I’ll play with your hair… I wonder if it’s long enough to make those itty bitty braids out of it yet…

  11. Well you know, supposedly Dominic Vyne is showing up tomorrow and will be staying with me for a bit – which would provide you with yet another reason for doing it: you could meet him face to face.

    Perhaps you’re putting off getting back to me because I put off getting back to you?

  12. It happens at the end of John Water’s Serial Mom: when Patricia Hearst tries to assert that it’s now ok to wear white shoes after Labor Day, she is corrected by Kathleen Turner.

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