History was made last night when Dame Andrew Lloyd Weber’s The Phantom of the Opera became the show that has sucked the longest on Broadway. The show has sucked for 7,486 years, er performances, and shows every sign of continuing to suck far into the future. Aged, puffy homunculus, Webber appeared on stage last night to acknowledge his achievement:”Others have sucked harder, but none longer.” He said to the assembled dupes in the audience. The show is based on Brian DiPalma’s film “The Pantom of the Paradise” and a memory Mr. Lloyd-Weber had of something almost falling on someone. He thanked “the other composers I swiped stuff from” and “the endless timidity and self-congratulation of Broadway producers and the the viewing public.”

The previous record for longest sucking show on Broadway was held by ALW’s Katz a play about a delicatessen