I’m gay so I’m supposed to care about these things, so here goes:

The best thing about the Oscars was the party that Thor and Bill threw last night which was small and impeccably well mananged. Phil and I used to throw a huge-ass ultra gay Oscar party every year, with prizes and much cackling. It got to be a bit too much for any number of people. Last night’s was great in part because it wasn’t gender segregated, and it was a manageable number. My only quibble is that I like to have every catagory on my ballot, because even though I stink at the major awards, I can often clean up on the technical ones. It’s like having a handicap in golf or something.

about the show:

Mildy funny opening copped from the Kids in the Hall.

Clooney gets points for calling himself Batman, and the Sexiest man alive 1998. And then immediately loses them for claiming that Hollywood spoke about AIDS when it was only whispered about. Hello? Philadelphia was made in 199fuckin3 I guess it takes twelve years of inconsequential whispering before Hollywood speaks – I’m looking forward to that hard-hitting Abu-Gareb film in 2017.

Salma Hayak was officially the hottest woman on stage last night.

The theme was a “A return to glamor” obviously something that was decided before the nominations were in – if there were ever a crop of anti-glamor films, this was it. The whole idea was to remind everyone that movies are somehow classier than TV – which is why you have a TV personality host the show and why you make reference to the number of people watching the show ON TV. Why not announce how many people attended movies in the theater this past year – a much more appropriate and impressive statistic.

Why a montage tribute to film noir? Oh yeah, to remind us about “glamor”. But here’s a hint: it’s not a good Idea to remind folks of how great movies USED to be. It’s like never updating your pics on bear411. When the montage ended everyone at our party talked about how much movies suck now as opposed to then. Was this a subtle way of trying to bolster DVD sales?

I never thought anyone could make me dislike Reese Witherspoon, but Reese Witherspoon succeeded.

Corset fetishists, bow to your new goddess: Dolly Parton!

Funniest thing in the evening was the series of fake attack ads for best actress. (They shouldn’t have tried that joke again with sound editing.) But you could tell that they hit way too close to home.

One other funny thing: John Stewart saying after the “socially concious film” montage: “And none of those issues was ever a problem again”.

Luke Wilson is first in line to play the lead in “The Kevin Nealon Story”

They only time Jesus got thanked was by the guys who did the song about the pimp.

They complain about the length of the show, they cut people off and then they throw in more and more stupid montages -why not cut those out and give everyone ten more seconds to fumble around and look goofy on stage?

By some weird symbiotic process, Sandra Bullocks eyes got bigger and wider this year and Keanu’s got smaller and beadier. He’s also developing a fine dewlap.

Everyone sighed and said they missed Debbie Allen.

The makeup gag was also funny.

Best thing about whole show? Absolutely NO Jim Carrey!!