Dribs and drabs…

…are all I’m good for today.

Some series of circumstances conspired to make me feel depressed at work today. Of course what I’m really depressed about is the stuff that I’m supposed to be doing that I’m chickening out from. Shakey progress and fragile feelings.

I am alternately moved by and annoyed at the tone of Larissa Mac Farquahar’s profile of John Ashberry in this week’s New Yorker.

(edit: I already gratefully feel your sympathies, so you don’t have to post hugs what you can post is song lyrics that sound funnier the more you think about them. Here’s one to start with: Hold me closer Tiny Dancer)

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  1. The sexual innuendos are too much fun. *giggle*
    One of my favorite Musical songs.:)

    I know things Now by: Soundheim

    Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH):
    Mother said, ‘straight ahead,
    Not to delay, or be mislead.’
    I should have heeded her advice.
    But he seemed so nice.
    And he showed me things, many beautiful things,
    That I hadn’t thought to explore.
    They were off my path, so I never had dared.
    I had been so careful, I never had cared.
    And he made me feel excited..
    Well, excited and scared.
    When he said, ‘Come in,’ with that sickening grin,
    How could I know what was in store?
    Once his teeth were bared, though, I really got scared.
    Well, excited and scared..
    But he drew me close, and he swallowed me down,
    Down a dark, slimy path, where lie secrets that I never want to know,
    And when everything familiar seemed to disappear forever,
    At the end of the path, was Granny once again,
    So we wait in the dark, until someone sets us free,
    And we’re brought into the light,
    And we’re back at the start..
    And I know things now, many valuable things,
    That I hadn’t known before.
    Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood.
    They will not protect you the way that they should.
    And take extra care with strangers, even flowers have their dangers,
    And though scary is exciting,
    Nice is different than good.
    Now I know, don’t be scared. Granny is right, just be prepared.
    Isn’t it nice to know a lot?
    ..And a little bit.. not.

  2. in the hold me tradition… a favorite from nina hagen

    hold me, hold me, hold me LORD
    i may be right, and i may be wrong
    hold me MASTER, please don’t let me go

    hold me at night time, hold me by day
    sometimes i feel so far away
    hold me MASTER, please don’t let me go

    i’m tempted here, and i’m tempted there
    and i don’t know, i don’t know
    and sometimes LORD you know i hurt beyond compare

    i’m weak oh LORD
    you make me strong, make me strong
    take me on up LORD, where i belong, where i belong
    but holy MASTER, please don’t let me go, don’t let me go

    i’m tempted here, and i’m tempted there
    and i don’t know, i don’t know
    and sometimes LORD you know i hurt beyond compare

    i’m weak oh LORD
    you make me strong, make me strong
    take me on up LORD, where i belong, where i belong
    but holy MASTER, please don’t let me go, don’t let me go

    yeah, hold me, hold me, hold me
    LORD please, please go and hold me
    hold me MASTER, and please don’t let me go, don’t let me go
    please, please don’t let me go

  3. Have you ever seen a woman coming out of New York City with a frog in her hand ?

    Hiawatha didn’t bother too much ’bout Minnie-ha-ha and her tender touch…

    Land of Hope and Glory etc…

    papa ooh mau mau papa ooh mau mau

    1st rule is : The laws of Germany.
    2nd rule is : Be nice to Mommy.
    3rd rule is : Eat kosher salami.
    4th rule is : Don’t talk to Commies.

  4. the vandals – my first christmas as a woman

    With Christmas upon us it’s time to be honest
    and follow my dreams and to face
    a life of delusion and gender confusion
    no longer will be the case

    I never wanted army men or basketballs,
    I only wanted pantyhose and Barbie dolls
    And dressing up in mother’s clothing.

    My whole life I’ve been feeling only feminine
    It always seemed so useless trying to be a man
    Now that’s a ghost of Christmas past

    Now it feels like the very first time,
    cuz it’s going to be the very first time,
    that Christmas feels right to me.

    And I know that I’m looking good
    Just like a real girl should-
    It’s my first Christmas as a woman

    A doctor reconstructed my genitals
    And now I’m waiting underneath the mistletoe
    for a guy who could love a girl like me.

    I took the hormones and I got my breasts
    This season’s gonna be the best to me.

    I won’t have to tuck it behind me
    Since I got my brand new vaginy
    It’s my first Christmas as a woman.

    Chop if off! Chop if off! Chop if off!
    My penis, chop it off
    It’s no use to me.
    Cut it off!
    Chop it off! Chop it off!
    My penis, cut it off so I can finally be
    A Woman…

    Now I’m finally happy cuz I made my goal
    to be a post operation transsexual.
    now I’m a pretty lady

    Now it feels like the very first time,
    cuz it’s going to be the very first time,
    that Christmas feels right to me.

    Cuz I know that I’m looking good
    Just like a real girl should-
    It’s my first Christmas as a woman

  5. The favorite of the Ukelele-playing SF Dykes….

    Girlfriend in a coma
    I know — it’s serious
    Girlfriend in a coma
    I know — it’s really serious…..

    Wonder if anyone has registered the LJ name girlfriendinacoma?

  6. You might have heard my footsteps
    Echo softly in the distance through the canyons of your mind
    I might have even called your name
    As I ran searching after something to believe in
    You might have seen me runnin’
    Through the long-abandoned ruins of the dreams you left behind
    If you remember something there
    That glided past you followed close by heavy breathin’…

  7. Well, the thing is, I found myself hearing that and saying: ‘But I DON’T believe Elvis in his Las Vegas phase!’ I always figured that was kind of the point of the lyric…or not…

  8. Hello, Metaphor Police? We have an O.D.

    “Cannonball”

    Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
    Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
    Still a little hard to say what’s going on

    Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
    Still a little BIT of your face I haven’t kissed
    You step a little closer EACH DAY
    Still I can’t SAY what’s going on

    Stones taught me to fly
    Love taught me to lie
    Life taught me to die
    So it’s not hard to fall
    When you float like a cannonball

    Still a little bit of your song in my ear
    Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
    You step a little closer TO ME
    So close that I can’t see what’s going on

    Stones taught me to fly
    Love taught me to lie
    Life taught me to die
    So it’s not hard to fall
    When you float like a cannon

    Stones taught me to fly
    Love taught me to cry
    So come on courage!
    Teach me to be shy
    ‘Cause it’s not hard to fall
    And I don’t WANNA scare her
    It’s not hard to fall
    And I don’t wanna lose
    It’s not hard to grow
    When you know that you just don’t know
    – Damien Rice

    I’m sorry, but dude tries too hard to be too deep, IMAHO.

  9. You can’t beat Barney Sumner for bizarro:

    Every time I watch TV
    On the news is something major
    I’m a prisoner, set me free
    Turn this atoll into vapor
    Genocide put on the side it’s always new
    Politicians want to share their point of view
    United Nations are demanding
    Foreign troops have made a landing
    City dealers at an auction
    Shares are falling fast
    Suicide is not an option
    Waiting for the crash

    I walk this wild road
    Can you tell me will I reach the end
    This endless night goes on
    But I still can’t find my way home

    Misguided youth are mixing juice with alcohol
    Desert states are praying for the rains to fall
    Peace in Ireland is an issue
    Goodbye bombs we’re gonna miss you
    The southern ice has almost gone
    The silly fools just carry on

    I walk this wild road
    Can you tell me will I reach the end
    This endless night goes on
    But I still can’t find my way home

    I walk this wild road
    Can you tell me will I reach the end
    This endless night goes on
    But I still carry on

    This world’s out of reach but I don’t want it
    The people are creeps that live here on it
    It’s always the same, it’s not gonna change
    When we go to school with Saddam Hussein
    I’d cry all night if I could change it
    Ask Jesus Christ could he arrange it
    Is there anyone out there who cares
    If a child can run free?
    Can a girl walk the street?
    Will United get beat?

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