Note to self…

If I ever get bitten by a vampire and undergo “conversion”, I’m going to buy myself a bunch of mustard and plum colored velour jogging suits, cause that way nobody will ever suspect me. While everybody running around in black latex and leather gear and dusters is getting staked and cruxifixed by Vamp Hunters I’ll be totally suckin down the blood of clueless suburbanites with my lovehandles and comb-over.

Oh yeah, and I won’t take up residence in any gothic nightclubs, or bondage bars or ginormous lofts either – probably the back of a Kinkos.


  1. As sad as it might be to admit this, I’ve thought a lot little about this particular option. As much notoriety and coolness as vampires are supposed to get… I’d rather be a werewolf. I can hang out in the sun, enjoy my garlic, something as paltry as a wooden stake won’t get me and I get to be hairy all over at least once a month!

    Not to mention, as a conscientious werewolf and not wanting to ravage random strangers by the light of a full moon, I’d get good, restrictive bondage and/or cage time at least once a month as well!

  2. ahh…..

    confession time.
    I LARP Vampire and stuff like that….I’ll have to agree with you on the location thing. Best concept I ever saw? Vampire hid/lived in children’s closets. He was their Boogeyman. poor things were so Anemic. 😉

    As as far as Underworld goes? She looks HOT in that outfit and the first one wasn’t bad. Has werewolves in it too so the whole men transforming thing is kinda hot too. 🙂

  3. sometime ask me about my year spent living in central new jersey – – you’re dead on. the really really sick shit is happening right now in the suburbs. blood sucking doesn’t begin to describe it.

  4. In high school, I wrote a piece about a woman who was a vampire and her husband was desperately trying to get others to believe him; they wouldn’t, because she was very Donna Reed, with pearls and a blond flip do and a sort of Lauren Bacall air to her. No Vampirella, she.

  5. You might want to go with the pluym colored tops…blood spills and stains as it is, but on mustard?!? You might as well put a vampire sign on your forehead. 😉

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