MacWorld, San Francisco: In a surprise move today, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced a new partnership with Nintendo corporation and unveiled the first fruit of that union, the iWii. Before a breathless, packed conference audience, Jobs enthused, “Finally those silhouetted hipsters flailing around in the ads will actually be doing something, to the extent that waving a plastic controller can be called something.” While the presentation was short on details about what the device actually did or was, or when it would arrive in stores, industry analysts were quick to praise Jobs’ “bold move in answering a need that had never really been expressed or even felt before”. In what is sure to be the first part of a national trend, several dozen bears in the audience attempted to form a waiting line for the the new product and fainted away with what they described as “a spell of the vapors”. Ultimately they were revived with sips of Kool-Ade from the “Genius Bar”.
Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates quickly announced his company’s release of the xZunEx, a device that he claimed would soon “dominate the market for whatever it is that that other thing does, but but with many more ‘aufuncs’ (added unwanted functions)” The Microsoft device is slated to be released about “two years after we can cobble together a reverse engineered version of theirs”